Balance

I often say that I am trying to find a balance to my life and that I strive to be able to enjoy my everyday life. Unfortunately I don’t believe that people can slow down until they are shaken, a wake-up call if you will. I don’t wish upon anyone some of my experiences, but I don’t regret them to be able to recognize the value of the positive from negative. I came home this summer and wasn’t all that excited to be home, I was too focused on myself and working. I was abruptly put back in my place by one of my best friends. I don’t use the title of best friend lightly, I’m just not a huge fan of titles, and it often creates unattainable expectations. With that said, I believe a best friend is someone you can tell anything to and get an honest answer and be told the ugly truth when needed. Although she didn’t want to be so blunt, I sat down with her late one of my first nights home and she told me she had to tell me some very bad news that would change some things. This is one of those core-shaking moments, and I attempted to handle it as composed as I could and quickly went into problem-solving mode and tried to ease the situation. This was not a moment I could snap my fingers and make it go away, knowing my difficulty with emotions, she simply said, “you have already done more than you even know, just by being here for me”. Amazing, after a horrible year of dealing with a traumatic family issue she just basically said its all good, she just needed someone to talk to. This would be the moment I broke down crying and she ended up consoling me, great friends I am. The point to this overly personal story is, I needed her to say to me “you have no idea how lucky you are”, she’s right, I am so anxious and crazed about my next move that I completely forget to appreciate everything around me. So this is one of those moments, where I had to stop, take a step back and appreciate. There is nothing worth more in life than love, love from your friends, family and the people you surround yourself with. This is going to be the year of love and happiness, and that is what my best friend taught me. Its an interesting tone to start my summer off on, but I think its important.

Bicoastal Delay

Being home has been nice, no complaints about the amazing weather, but I am honestly having a difficult time with my friends. I just feel like because I live so far, that I am behind in everything. I definitely take part of the responsibility for not staying connected as well as I should have, but I can’t help feeling disappointed. There is a major disconnect with so many people that I felt so close to only a year ago. I never expected to stay connected to everyone and I know that people are busy with their own lives, but what did I miss? There are so many day to day things that I will never be able to catch up on, which I knew would be an issue with me moving. I’m trying not to take it all personally, but for some reason I can’t help but to feel forgotten and hurt. When I lived in LA I always made plans for all my friends and invited them over, and when I'm not around, there's no where for them to just hang. I can honestly say I always tried to make everything still work after I left. I know I am not the only one feeling this way, it’s a normal part of these transitional years, unfortunately I have always thought of my friends as stability and very much like family. My usual reaction is to just throw myself into work and forget them all and move forward, but I am hoping that’s not what’s going to happen. I am hopeful that I will be pleasantly surprised and that some things can return to the way they were, otherwise I pretty much done putting any effort forth. I also understand and accept that things are always changing and that’s okay too. So should we hold our friends to certain standards or is it unfair? What should friends be held accountable for?

Another School Year Coming to An End...

When I was 14 years old, my school took me to Boston to visit colleges, many people thought it was ridiculous to take a bunch of 8th graders to look at schools, but ever since then I told myself I would live on the east coast when I turned 18. My parents wrote it off as a phase and that I would end up nearby, but I never forgot about it and despite everyones skepticism I moved anyways. I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea that I have finished another school year. Two years ago at this time I was graduating and so nervous about my future and leaving everything I care about and moving to a city I barely knew alone. It has definitely had its ups and downs, but I feel like I have really grown as a person and learned so much about myself. This year I tried to enjoy myself more and stress less about the future, and although that is easier said than done, I am on my way to slowing down and enjoying my new life here in NYC. This summer will be important to reconnect with my family, friends and work on building connections at my internship. As much as I should relax and learn how to sit still, I just can't so I compromised with taking an internship near home so I had a reason to leave NYC and go to LA for a few months. A few days at the beach will be nice, I am a Malibu girl at the end of the day, I miss the sand! I have become more confident in my future, and taken some necessary steps to help ease my fears of what I want to do after school. This year I want to focus on a more well-rounded me, I want to make new friends, work less and try to visit my family more. I have set myself up with great opportunities and have worked very hard the last two years, but it means nothing without friends to share in my happiness. I am going to make a more conscience effort to work on my relationships and I think it will make NYC start to feel more like a home. I no longer feel intimidated by this amazing city, I've learned to channel that fear into motivation. The energy of the people on this little crazy island have pushed me to work harder and for that, I have learned more than I can ever ask for from this experience and I will continue to take things away from this journey. Even though it has been difficult I don't regret a minute of it, and I'm excited for next year. So I'm off to the west coast, where its warm and sunny, with zero humidity, New Yorkers be jealous.